A Few Questions About the “Stimulus”
I’ll admit that I really only half listened to Obama’s speech this afternoon prior to his signing of the stimulus bill. I really had very little desire to hear him proclaim once again that the largest spending bill in history was the solution to all of our problems.
I did however hear him complain that he inherited a trillion dollar deficit. How many times is he going to pull that little gem out while trying to justify the need for this heinous act of theft from my generation and those to follow? You may have inherited a deficit, but the answer is NOT to double it in the first month of your administration.
And also, he claims he’s committed to making college more affordable for all students. Really? How? I want specifics here.
As a student, this is actually a big question for me. Especially since they just raised tuition here in Georgia. Again. How is that making it more affordable for me? And how are these scholarships and grants to students from low income households and specific ethnic backgrounds helping me, a white, middle class student? College is still approaching the point of being unaffordable due to the credit crunch, which is leading to difficulties getting loans for me to pay for school. And with this economy, even if I DO get the loan, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to be able to pay it back since this economy is so far in the toilet that I’ll probably have a hard time getting a job once I graduate.
I’m still failing to see how this stimulus bill is going to help me. Supporters of this bill (all 38% of them) claim that this bill is going to create jobs and stimulate the economy. I’ve yet to see one actually explain how it does that. Especially since most of the money won’t even be used for another two years.
Beyond this point, this post really just dissolves into a long rambling list of questions that I can’t answer
What jobs are being created? What industries are you helping (other than government) to grow? Who will benefit from this bill? (I guess we already know that white males won’t.)
What are we doing to work towards energy independence? Wouldn’t drilling for our own oil create jobs? Why are we opposed to that, especially at this juncture?
If this bill was really about stimulus, why did it need to be filled with pork and dangerous provisions such as this health care atrocity? Why is it the government’s job to tell me what medical treatment I’m entitled to receive?
Why did we bailout the car companies with plans that forced them to cut more jobs in order to be eligible? How is THAT stimulating the economy?
And just what in the hell does “shovel ready” mean? Are you gonna clear driveways? If you are, I suggest heading to Kentucky first, seeing as Obama has thus far largely ignored the storms there. Is it too politically incorrect to say Barack Obama doesn’t care about white people? Where’s Kanye? I wanna see him.
And last, but not least, did anyone else see my allotment in the stimulus bill?? How freakin cool is that?
Edit: Why’d he have to use so many pens?
Stop. Eating. Plants.
I think I might start a campaign against vegetarians. If it’s cruel for me to eat (and enjoy) animals, it’s dangerous for them to eat plants.
If you’re so eco-friendly and “green,” you shouldn’t be eating things that live off of sunlight and carbon dioxide. In case you haven’t heard, the greenhouse effect is gonna kill us all. And you just so happen to be eating the things that create oxygen.
You’re dooming us all to suffocation and boiling. You vegetarians are ruining this planet. If you weren’t so busy eating all of our life-giving plants, maybe the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere wouldn’t be increasing! What would Al Gore think?
You’re gonna drown the polar bears. It’s very hypocritical of you to claim you’re trying to protect them from extinction when you’re eating the very things that could save them. What now? Bring it on PETA!
There’s Still Time to Back Out
So I got to thinking today (after two Obama appointees stepped down after having their refusal to pay taxes correctly called out) that we should be entitled to a little bit of a mea culpa here and be allowed to hold an entirely different election. I have several suggestions and rationalizations for the change.
Again, sarcasm people, embrace it.
Strike Three!
First off, I think we should relate everything to baseball. And Obama just struck out. Three in his staff have been proven tax cheats. If we’re counting Geithner as a foul ball (strike one, even though he got approved,) then Daschle is strike two (swing and a miss after stepping down) and Killefer is strike three. The O should be on his way back to the bench to sit and spit sunflower seeds onto the floor of the dugout (though, with his addiction to nicotine, he’s probably spitting dip) while he hangs his head dejectedly. He was the political equivalent of Mighty Casey. And much like the lauded slugger in our poem, Obama just hasn’t quite lived up to expectations.
Lemon Law
I think we’re all familiar with the lemon law, and I’m pretty sure Obama’s still under warranty right now. We bought him as we thought he was, and have since discovered that he’s not performing as he should. Under the lemon law, we, as a nation, are owed reparations for our wasted time and money. It’s imperative that we invoke our right to claim lemon law as early as possible, preferably within the first 30 days. Luckily, we still fall within those parameters today. For another humorous use of the lemon law, see here.
Annulled!
You know how people who get drunk (America) in Vegas end up getting hitched to people they really regret marrying (Obama) in that super cute little chapel that advertised so nicely (Hope! Change!) and they get the marriage annulled before they consummate? That’s what we should do with this presidency. But here’s the catch: We gotta do it before the stimulus bill passes. Because once that baby goes through, there’s no lying about the government having its big, filthy way with us.
One of the Most Brilliant Minds of Our Generation
Ask for things to make fun of, and you shall receive. I guess that is change I can believe in.
Today President Obama mistook a window for a door.
Yes, you read that right. The leader of our country can’t tell the difference between a window, which I’m pretty sure doesn’t even open, and a door with clear hinges.
I feel so secure.
How Obama Can Earn My Respect
I’m probably never going to agree with the man’s policies, but there are a few ways President Obama can win some of my respect.
Warning: If you cannot recognize and appreciate sarcasm, turn back now
If Obama wants me to respect him as a man, he needs to show he has a sense of humor. Poke some fun at himself instead of his insistence on being serious 100% of the time. Here are some suggestions:
Pick a theme song, and play it at press conferences
I have a few recommendations:
“Raise Up” – Petey Pablo: This song is inspirational in that it encourages people from all cities to “raise up” and express themselves by removing their clothing.
“Ridin’” – Chamillionaire: You know, cause they see him rollin’, they hatin’…
“Whatever You Like” – T.I.: You can have it. It’s right there, in the stimulus package. No, seriously.
“Get On the Bus” – Timbaland: Because it won’t be long til he throws you under it.
“Louie, Louie” – The Kingsmen: Interpret the lyrics like you interpret his speeches. Who knows what he’s saying?
“Batter Up” – Nelly: Ok, this song is just awesome. That’s enough.
“Yo, Excuse Me Miss” – Chris Brown: No, wait. That was filed under Clinton. My bad.
“My Way” – Butch Walker: Because dissent is not cool.
Remind us in every public appearance who won the election
No really, I keep forgetting.
Have multiple teleprompters, for easy reading when looking in different directions
How funny would that be? Come on, seriously. We all know he can’t get away from the damn things.
Bring Joe Biden out of his hidey-hole
That man is comedy gold. Take the duct tape off of his mouth and let him make a gaffe or twelve. I need someone to laugh at for the next four years.
And here are some suggestions from the twitter-verse:
@pharaoh7 – get a superhero cape and walk around calling himself the Mocha Messiah
@AmericanSweetie – he should grow a Hitler-esque mustache so that he at least looks like the ruler he emulates.
@danzphoto – If he’s going to empty Gitmo, how bout filling it w/ 535 people from down the street?
@FaitAccompli – Follow through on his campaign promises to part the seas and push back the clouds
@heathermclain – He could wear a hat with an atrociously large bedazzled bow…R-E-S-P-E-C-T worked for Aretha…
What can he do to win you over?
Young Conservatives: Yes, We DO Exist
Not surprisingly, there were many mentions of Obama and the incoming administration and the historic inauguration yesterday on all of the social networks. What I found interesting was the willingness of the young voters to actually engage in a political discussion. As a young voter myself, I was pleasantly surprised to see so many in my generation taking an interest in politics.
That is until I read what many of them were saying.
I cannot begin to describe the blatant hatred and disrespect for the outgoing President Bush. Setting aside the fact that those at the actual inauguration both booed and mocked President Bush, the vitriol spewed by some of those online was appalling. I’m not going to go into specifics here, but it was nasty.
Instead, I’m going to focus on the positives I took out of the day. I was proud to see a surprisingly large number of young conservatives defending their viewpoints! Here were the people that the party should have reached out to (that post is upcoming,) openly expressing their issues both with the incoming and outgoing administration.
What’s even better, they were civil.
My peers and I in the conservative youth have been blasted with attempts to sway our opinions to the left by teachers and administrations at our respective universities, the mainstream media, and have also been bombarded with pro-Obama and liberal democrat ads on many of the social networks we frequent. We’re often approached with the question: How can you be conservative at your age?
Here’s how:
• We’re concerned about the safety of America.
This is a big, BIG, issue among the youth. The war in Iraq was a central issue for most of the campaign season. It affects our generation greatly, as we see our friends deployed to fight terrorism abroad. We worry that the Obama administration is going to be soft on defense and endanger the safety of both the average American citizen here at home, and the brave men and women fighting for our freedom overseas. While our professors and the MSM play the blame Bush card at every opportunity, those of us in the conservative youth know that he didn’t start this.
• We don’t want to lose our personal liberties.
The largest issue here seems to be the right to own firearms. We want to be able to own guns responsibly and legally. We definitely advocate taking gun safety classes and practicing caution when keeping them in homes, but we fully believe in the right to own them.
• We don’t want socialized healthcare.
We don’t want the government interfering in our lives any more than it already is. Actually, we’d like it to back off. A lot. The progressive agenda being pushed by liberals (and supported by some RINOs) includes socialized healthcare, and we don’t want any part of it. Once the government gets its hands on healthcare, it will inevitably screw it up. Yes, it sounds nice to be able to say “we have free healthcare for everyone!” But the reality is, it’s not free. The government would foot the bill. And that means we foot the bill. Which brings me to the biggest issue of all:
• We want to keep our money.
We want the government to be fiscally responsible. We’ve seen a HUGE increase in spending and proposed spending in the last year alone. Where’s that money coming from? Our pockets. We don’t want to see our government taxing us only to turn around and give that money away to those who either don’t work for it, or have made such poor business decisions that they can’t make it themselves.
I grew up with the belief that I could be whatever I wanted to be, achieve whatever I set my mind to, live the American dream. What happened to desire to be self-reliant? Why are people so willing to line up for a government handout? At what point did we stop saying “I can do it” and start asking for money for nothing?
I think it started when we stopped keeping score in little league. Laugh at that if you will, but kids stopped learning that hard work leads to results and that success feels good.
In Which Our Main Character Escapes to Her Hidey-Hole
I’m not the only one trying to find a tiny little corner of the world where I can easily hide from Obama’s ubiquitous presence, am I? Thus far I have found these things that I can no longer do without being bombarded with our soon-to-be President: grocery shop, listen to talk radio, listen to normal radio, watch the news (duh,) watch the Disney channel, watch Nickelodeon, watch MTV or VH1, watch ESPN (!) or any of the affiliates, visit twitter, facebook, myspace, or any number of social media sites, read gossip magazines, read sports magazines, read any blog at all.
I’m sick of it. Tomorrow I will be sleeping late, watching dvds all day and participating in the SGP Ball (which starts at 9, details at http://smartgirlpolitics.ning.com,) my only inauguration-related activity.
I actually made the mistake of voicing my irritation in front of my liberal friend while at Wal-Mart the other day. Her response was “that’s not his fault, don’t be mad at him for that.” Uh, I’m mad at a whole bunch of people for that. And I’m fairly certain that his “open letter to his daughters” was his doing. Granted, not every instance is generated by Obama himself, but he has a hell of a PR campaign going on right now. It’s actually pretty impressive from a marketing standpoint.
There is not a single place I can go without seeing his face. I feel like I’m living the book 1984. I’m not lying when I tell you that there is a mural of Obama’s face painted on a wall down the street from me. It makes me ill.
Also, can anyone else remember a time in which the yet-to-be-sworn-in POTUS was as omnipresent as Obama seems to be? I realize that I’m only 22, but I can’t recall a single occurrence. It certainly wasn’t the case four or eight years ago when George W. Bush was inaugurated.
And what happened to the outrage over the frivolous use of funds during a time of war? Didn’t we hear all about how Bush’s $40 million inauguration was disrespectful, and how there were better ways to spend that money? It’s interesting that Obama gets a pass on his $150 million blowout bash during not just a time of war, but the worst recession this country has seen in decades. The double standards are glaring. Well, they are to some of us.
I’m unplugging for now. I have got to get away from the Obamania, it’s driving me insane. Here’s to hoping it wears off, preferably soon.
Open Letter to Chick-fil-a
Dearest Chick-fil-a,
I was thinking about you yesterday. Yes, on a Sunday. Sorry S. Truett Cathy, but I was thinking about your fabulous restaurant on a day it was closed. I have a suggestion for you, DON’T RUN COMMERCIALS ON SUNDAYS! Seriously, I’m begging you. It’s just not fair for you to tempt me with your funny cows with their misspelled words. I want to “eat mor chikin,” I really do. But I can’t do that when you’re closed.
I respect that you feel that your restaurants should be closed on Sundays, that’s admirable. I would eat at your establishment everyday of the week if I could. But I can’t. I have given you my patronage for years. YEARS! My senior year of high school, after every school day, I would go pick up a #5 8-pack with a sweet tea, two ranch, one buffalo (I have very specific sauce needs.) Your waffle fries are delicious, I love the chicken minis for breakfast, and I’ve been known to skip class to eat lunch with you.
My point is this: I’m a loyal fan of you and your original chicken sandwich, you should listen to me. I know what I’m talking about. It’s kind of hateful to tell me to eat your food when you aren’t there to make it for me. But because I love you, and I got a special request (@jimmiebjr,) here’s my tribute to your delicious sweet tea.
Ode to Chick-fil-a Sweet Tea
Oh delicious sweet tea
I do love you so
You’re looking at me
With your straw all aglow
I always read your side
With its interesting stuff
I’ll watch the Chick-fil-a bowl
My Jackets are tough!
I will take a free refill
If you really don’t mind
It gives me a thrill
That you’re always so kind
I really must go though
Oh wondrous sweet tea
I’ll be back tomorrow
So please don’t miss me
The First Annual Pre-Christmas Post
It always seems that this time of year gets very confusing. There’s always the one person who refuses to tell you what they want for Christmas, so you have no idea what to get them. It’s inevitably someone for whom you absolutely HAVE to shop (usually my dad, enjoy your annual belt and tie from me and the dogs.) This is but one baffling piece of the yearly holiday puzzle. This year, I have a new and exciting development in the Christmas confusion. I am absolutely lost as to the explanation for the celebration of Christmas by atheists.
I have several friends who claim to be either “atheist” or “agnostic,” and I do my best not to push my belief system on them, and they respect that I am a Christian. Well, most of the time they do. What I don’t understand is this: every last one of them celebrates Christmas. When asked what their favorite holiday song was, one even replied with “O Holy Night.” Now, I understand completely that they are entitled to decide for themselves what songs they most enjoy, but they could have chosen any number of secular songs. I even have a few suggestions, like “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” or maybe even “You Ain’t Getting’ Shit For Christmas” (my mom’s favorite is “Merry F’ing Christmas” by Mr. Garrison on South Park, but she’s a little more vigilant than I tend to be.)
If you don’t believe in God, and the birth of Jesus has no significance in your life, what does the holiday season mean to you? I’m just curious what the reason for celebration is for those who aren’t religious. Why specifically Christmas? There are several winter holidays which they could easily celebrate, there’s even a solstice, which would be a nice little substitute, seeing as it falls just before Christmas itself. I understand that many people simply enjoy the giving gifts and spending time with family and friends, but there’s really no hard and fast rule that says you have to only do that at the end of the year. In fact, if you’re gonna do that, do it at Thanksgiving. Or Valentine’s Day. Hell, take freakin Arbor Day, nobody really celebrates that.
I’m particularly interested in the “O Holy Night” response. Why that particular song? I’m not willing to ask personally, seeing as this person is more of a “friend of a friend” than an actual friend, and I’d rather not get into serious discussions with someone with whom I have that tenuous a connection. I guess I’m just interested to find out why, of all the holiday songs, a self proclaimed atheist would choose one about the birth of Jesus, whom they don’t follow. I think that deep down it kind of makes me feel like one of the most important occurrences in the history of my religion is cheapened.
Believe What You Want, As Long As You Believe Obama
What happened to my Obama channel? I want it back. These daily updates from the Office of the President Elect are simply not enough. There needs to be someone with a camera on him at all times. I want him mic’d and live every second of every day. And follow Michelle and the Obamettes around too! They should all be on television all the time!
Why should we have television shows not dedicated to our great leader? He’s intelligent, I mean, why would he seal his college transcripts if not for our own protection? He’s so kind; he didn’t want us to feel inadequate.
He’s a wonderful speaker; the “um”s and “uh”s are his way of letting us all know that he’s one of us. And he just doesn’t want to answer the tough questions because he doesn’t want us to worry our little heads about “important” issues like pay for play scandals.
There’s no way he was involved in that! Why would he want to sell his seat? I’m sure he’s got enough money! I mean, look at the millions of dollars he raised during his campaign! Nevermind where it all came from, those election laws are stupid anyway. And what’s wrong with selling it anyway? I don’t see a problem with it. This country was built on the free market. Just ignore that Congress is tearing it apart, piece by piece.
That’s what we should do! Give Obama his own unreality show and put it on every channel and just ignore the parts that aren’t all sunshine and daisies. Better yet! Just edit them out! All I’m saying is this: we have the technology. Make it happen.
