Open Letter to Chick-fil-a
Dearest Chick-fil-a,
I was thinking about you yesterday. Yes, on a Sunday. Sorry S. Truett Cathy, but I was thinking about your fabulous restaurant on a day it was closed. I have a suggestion for you, DON’T RUN COMMERCIALS ON SUNDAYS! Seriously, I’m begging you. It’s just not fair for you to tempt me with your funny cows with their misspelled words. I want to “eat mor chikin,” I really do. But I can’t do that when you’re closed.
I respect that you feel that your restaurants should be closed on Sundays, that’s admirable. I would eat at your establishment everyday of the week if I could. But I can’t. I have given you my patronage for years. YEARS! My senior year of high school, after every school day, I would go pick up a #5 8-pack with a sweet tea, two ranch, one buffalo (I have very specific sauce needs.) Your waffle fries are delicious, I love the chicken minis for breakfast, and I’ve been known to skip class to eat lunch with you.
My point is this: I’m a loyal fan of you and your original chicken sandwich, you should listen to me. I know what I’m talking about. It’s kind of hateful to tell me to eat your food when you aren’t there to make it for me. But because I love you, and I got a special request (@jimmiebjr,) here’s my tribute to your delicious sweet tea.
Ode to Chick-fil-a Sweet Tea
Oh delicious sweet tea
I do love you so
You’re looking at me
With your straw all aglow
I always read your side
With its interesting stuff
I’ll watch the Chick-fil-a bowl
My Jackets are tough!
I will take a free refill
If you really don’t mind
It gives me a thrill
That you’re always so kind
I really must go though
Oh wondrous sweet tea
I’ll be back tomorrow
So please don’t miss me
The First Annual Pre-Christmas Post
It always seems that this time of year gets very confusing. There’s always the one person who refuses to tell you what they want for Christmas, so you have no idea what to get them. It’s inevitably someone for whom you absolutely HAVE to shop (usually my dad, enjoy your annual belt and tie from me and the dogs.) This is but one baffling piece of the yearly holiday puzzle. This year, I have a new and exciting development in the Christmas confusion. I am absolutely lost as to the explanation for the celebration of Christmas by atheists.
I have several friends who claim to be either “atheist” or “agnostic,” and I do my best not to push my belief system on them, and they respect that I am a Christian. Well, most of the time they do. What I don’t understand is this: every last one of them celebrates Christmas. When asked what their favorite holiday song was, one even replied with “O Holy Night.” Now, I understand completely that they are entitled to decide for themselves what songs they most enjoy, but they could have chosen any number of secular songs. I even have a few suggestions, like “You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch,” or maybe even “You Ain’t Getting’ Shit For Christmas” (my mom’s favorite is “Merry F’ing Christmas” by Mr. Garrison on South Park, but she’s a little more vigilant than I tend to be.)
If you don’t believe in God, and the birth of Jesus has no significance in your life, what does the holiday season mean to you? I’m just curious what the reason for celebration is for those who aren’t religious. Why specifically Christmas? There are several winter holidays which they could easily celebrate, there’s even a solstice, which would be a nice little substitute, seeing as it falls just before Christmas itself. I understand that many people simply enjoy the giving gifts and spending time with family and friends, but there’s really no hard and fast rule that says you have to only do that at the end of the year. In fact, if you’re gonna do that, do it at Thanksgiving. Or Valentine’s Day. Hell, take freakin Arbor Day, nobody really celebrates that.
I’m particularly interested in the “O Holy Night” response. Why that particular song? I’m not willing to ask personally, seeing as this person is more of a “friend of a friend” than an actual friend, and I’d rather not get into serious discussions with someone with whom I have that tenuous a connection. I guess I’m just interested to find out why, of all the holiday songs, a self proclaimed atheist would choose one about the birth of Jesus, whom they don’t follow. I think that deep down it kind of makes me feel like one of the most important occurrences in the history of my religion is cheapened.
