A Few Questions About the “Stimulus”
I’ll admit that I really only half listened to Obama’s speech this afternoon prior to his signing of the stimulus bill. I really had very little desire to hear him proclaim once again that the largest spending bill in history was the solution to all of our problems.
I did however hear him complain that he inherited a trillion dollar deficit. How many times is he going to pull that little gem out while trying to justify the need for this heinous act of theft from my generation and those to follow? You may have inherited a deficit, but the answer is NOT to double it in the first month of your administration.
And also, he claims he’s committed to making college more affordable for all students. Really? How? I want specifics here.
As a student, this is actually a big question for me. Especially since they just raised tuition here in Georgia. Again. How is that making it more affordable for me? And how are these scholarships and grants to students from low income households and specific ethnic backgrounds helping me, a white, middle class student? College is still approaching the point of being unaffordable due to the credit crunch, which is leading to difficulties getting loans for me to pay for school. And with this economy, even if I DO get the loan, there’s no guarantee that I’m going to be able to pay it back since this economy is so far in the toilet that I’ll probably have a hard time getting a job once I graduate.
I’m still failing to see how this stimulus bill is going to help me. Supporters of this bill (all 38% of them) claim that this bill is going to create jobs and stimulate the economy. I’ve yet to see one actually explain how it does that. Especially since most of the money won’t even be used for another two years.
Beyond this point, this post really just dissolves into a long rambling list of questions that I can’t answer
What jobs are being created? What industries are you helping (other than government) to grow? Who will benefit from this bill? (I guess we already know that white males won’t.)
What are we doing to work towards energy independence? Wouldn’t drilling for our own oil create jobs? Why are we opposed to that, especially at this juncture?
If this bill was really about stimulus, why did it need to be filled with pork and dangerous provisions such as this health care atrocity? Why is it the government’s job to tell me what medical treatment I’m entitled to receive?
Why did we bailout the car companies with plans that forced them to cut more jobs in order to be eligible? How is THAT stimulating the economy?
And just what in the hell does “shovel ready” mean? Are you gonna clear driveways? If you are, I suggest heading to Kentucky first, seeing as Obama has thus far largely ignored the storms there. Is it too politically incorrect to say Barack Obama doesn’t care about white people? Where’s Kanye? I wanna see him.
And last, but not least, did anyone else see my allotment in the stimulus bill?? How freakin cool is that?
Edit: Why’d he have to use so many pens?
Stop. Eating. Plants.
I think I might start a campaign against vegetarians. If it’s cruel for me to eat (and enjoy) animals, it’s dangerous for them to eat plants.
If you’re so eco-friendly and “green,” you shouldn’t be eating things that live off of sunlight and carbon dioxide. In case you haven’t heard, the greenhouse effect is gonna kill us all. And you just so happen to be eating the things that create oxygen.
You’re dooming us all to suffocation and boiling. You vegetarians are ruining this planet. If you weren’t so busy eating all of our life-giving plants, maybe the levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere wouldn’t be increasing! What would Al Gore think?
You’re gonna drown the polar bears. It’s very hypocritical of you to claim you’re trying to protect them from extinction when you’re eating the very things that could save them. What now? Bring it on PETA!
There’s Still Time to Back Out
So I got to thinking today (after two Obama appointees stepped down after having their refusal to pay taxes correctly called out) that we should be entitled to a little bit of a mea culpa here and be allowed to hold an entirely different election. I have several suggestions and rationalizations for the change.
Again, sarcasm people, embrace it.
Strike Three!
First off, I think we should relate everything to baseball. And Obama just struck out. Three in his staff have been proven tax cheats. If we’re counting Geithner as a foul ball (strike one, even though he got approved,) then Daschle is strike two (swing and a miss after stepping down) and Killefer is strike three. The O should be on his way back to the bench to sit and spit sunflower seeds onto the floor of the dugout (though, with his addiction to nicotine, he’s probably spitting dip) while he hangs his head dejectedly. He was the political equivalent of Mighty Casey. And much like the lauded slugger in our poem, Obama just hasn’t quite lived up to expectations.
Lemon Law
I think we’re all familiar with the lemon law, and I’m pretty sure Obama’s still under warranty right now. We bought him as we thought he was, and have since discovered that he’s not performing as he should. Under the lemon law, we, as a nation, are owed reparations for our wasted time and money. It’s imperative that we invoke our right to claim lemon law as early as possible, preferably within the first 30 days. Luckily, we still fall within those parameters today. For another humorous use of the lemon law, see here.
Annulled!
You know how people who get drunk (America) in Vegas end up getting hitched to people they really regret marrying (Obama) in that super cute little chapel that advertised so nicely (Hope! Change!) and they get the marriage annulled before they consummate? That’s what we should do with this presidency. But here’s the catch: We gotta do it before the stimulus bill passes. Because once that baby goes through, there’s no lying about the government having its big, filthy way with us.
