I Have A Blindspot For Ugly

So I got to thinking today (after two Obama appointees stepped down after having their refusal to pay taxes correctly called out) that we should be entitled to a little bit of a mea culpa here and be allowed to hold an entirely different election. I have several suggestions and rationalizations for the change.

Again, sarcasm people, embrace it.

Strike Three!

First off, I think we should relate everything to baseball. And Obama just struck out. Three in his staff have been proven tax cheats. If we’re counting Geithner as a foul ball (strike one, even though he got approved,) then Daschle is strike two (swing and a miss after stepping down) and Killefer is strike three. The O should be on his way back to the bench to sit and spit sunflower seeds onto the floor of the dugout (though, with his addiction to nicotine, he’s probably spitting dip) while he hangs his head dejectedly. He was the political equivalent of Mighty Casey. And much like the lauded slugger in our poem, Obama just hasn’t quite lived up to expectations.

Lemon Law

I think we’re all familiar with the lemon law, and I’m pretty sure Obama’s still under warranty right now. We bought him as we thought he was, and have since discovered that he’s not performing as he should. Under the lemon law, we, as a nation, are owed reparations for our wasted time and money. It’s imperative that we invoke our right to claim lemon law as early as possible, preferably within the first 30 days. Luckily, we still fall within those parameters today. For another humorous use of the lemon law, see here.

Annulled!

You know how people who get drunk (America) in Vegas end up getting hitched to people they really regret marrying (Obama) in that super cute little chapel that advertised so nicely (Hope! Change!) and they get the marriage annulled before they consummate? That’s what we should do with this presidency. But here’s the catch: We gotta do it before the stimulus bill passes. Because once that baby goes through, there’s no lying about the government having its big, filthy way with us.