Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love my dog, but he is, without a doubt, a first class asshole. Every time someone walks into the room, he barks. Every time someone walks in the house, he barks. Every time someone gets up off the couch, he barks. He’s a loud little fuck.

I’ve decided to wage an all out war against his tyranny and yell gibberish until he shuts up. I decided this at about noon today. I’m really looking forward to annoying every other occupant of my house with this.

I’m kind of an asshole too. My dog is perfect for me.